For the past few years, I’ve been choosing a word of the year. This word is something that I want to define my year. It’s something I feel that God has given me to strive for and meditate on throughout that year.
If you read my blog post at the beginning of 2018, you know that I wasn’t really sure what my word would be, but as I began to type and scripture verses came to mind, the word “peace” settled onto my heart. I thought it was supposed to be about speaking “peace” into my household… and in some respects it was… but I did not realize just how important that word would be for our family in 2018.
In February, my husband underwent an 8 hour surgery that involved his ear and brain. Despite not knowing the outcome, as I walked the halls of the hospital… I had peace.
Then when we welcomed our 3rd beautiful baby into the family, I could have been nervous about the transition (and to some extent I was), but there was an overwhelming peace in knowing that God picked that precious little soul just for us. Throughout the pregnancy, I prayed continuously that her addition would be a JOY to our family… and it was!
Just when we felt like life was starting to get back to a little bit of “normal” after my husband had recovered from his surgery and the new addition to our family started sleeping a little better, the hammer fell. Seemingly out of nowhere, my mother-in-law passed away.
Despite the fact that she suffered from severe rheumatoid arthritis, was in pain from the top of her head to the bottom of her feet daily and battled infections that would make most people unbearable to be around… she remained positive and always had a smile on her face. We didn’t know how bad it really was.
Early one morning, the infection that was in her leg attacked her weak and weary heart. She had fought for so long that her heart just couldn’t handle the pain any more… and our sweet mommy passed away.
This blow rocked our family. She was the heartbeat of the home. She was the one who planned every get-together, every holiday, every thoughtful gift. She was the one who was always a listening ear for the good as well as the bad. She was a wealth of wisdom because she read her Bible and prayed fervently every day. She was a warrior…
… and our God is a God of peace. She may have been the heartbeat of our family, but she was NOT what tied us all together. God was… God is!
We cried together. We prayed together. We loved on each other. We clung to our God. We asked for peace in the storm… and he gave it to us. Did it numb the pain? No. But it made it bearable. It gave us comfort knowing that we would see her again some day. It gave us strength when we had to walk the long aisle to say our last goodbyes. It gave us hope for tomorrow. Peace.
The next week… her mom died. At 99 years old, she left earth to spend eternity with her daughter walking the streets of gold. She may have lived a good, long life, but death is never easy.
One week later… my grandpa passed away. As he entered the last days of his life, he was able to hold my hand and tell me he loved me. Despite seeming to be losing his ability to recognize people, he held my daughter and told her, “I love you Cora.” My mom sat and sang him hymns as he fought for his last breaths here on earth, and when he was no longer with us… we cried. Then we laughed remembering that big teddybear of a man. Boy could he tell the best stories! You never knew if they were true or not until he got to the punchline.
Three deaths in three weeks. It would be fair if we let death define our year… and yet our year was marked with a peace that passes understanding instead.
As we sing, “When peace like a river attendeth my way, when sorrows like sea billows roll, whatever my lot, thou hast taught me to say… it is well, it is well with my soul,” we smile… because we now know exactly what that peace really means.
“You keep him in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed on you, because he trusts in you.”
Isaiah 26:3